so many quotes 
about forgiveness
setting you free,
allowing you to heal 
and find peace

but I will not forgive
I would rather 
drag my bitterness
up a mountain
and carry it in my 
bare, aching hands

I refuse to lay it down
because it was you
who left me damaged
and broken
an insubstantial self,
a door mat

the weight reminds me of
what I had to rebuild
from fragments on the floor
to create a strong woman
who knows her worth
and speaks her mind
and can love

I cannot forgive,
because if I lay down my anger
I may forget,
and that 
must never happen