why am I still jumping
over sidewalk cracks
to avoid feeling blame
for breaking momma’s back?

I am fixated
on careful steps
to avert
insignificant crevices 
where ants climb out 
unfazed
in search of crumbs

the weight of guilt
is heavy
and keeps my gaze 
focused on the ground
and the path I’ve laid
behind me
where I have left my own
breadcrumbs
instead of looking forward
and up

(silly girl
your momma’s back
was broken long ago
and you are not to blame)

I kneel down and observe
the ants for a moment
a backwards glance informs me
the breadcrumbs behind me
are moldy
even the ants don’t want them

I rise
I take a deep breath
stare at a sidewalk crack
and step on it
wait for the world to crash down
and nothing happens

I look ahead of me
and up at the sky
the wind in the trees beckons me
to walk confidently forward
along a sidewalk 
with no cracks
surrounded by flowers