during the hardest months
of an unhappy marriage
I would escape to my yoga classes
as my peaceful place
but one morning 
after flowing through my poses
I relaxed on my back
and closed my eyes
the instructor told us to let the past go
to not think about the future
but to just exist in the present
and I panicked

tears began to burn my eyelids
first in anger
then in sadness and grief
because I wanted to be anywhere
except the present
my life was too painful
too terrifying and raw
to lay there and just accept it
and to feel it

for some of us the present moment
is off limits
it can bring pain and distress
if you are suffering through
abuse or sadness
or the loss of a loved one
taken too soon

the present moment
can feel as if it will break you open
in agony
I tried to hide from the present
to protect myself
from falling apart
into a shattered mess on the floor

I have learned 
as the years have passed
that there is healing 
in breathing through the pain 
of the present moment
you may crumble and cry
or scream in anger
until your ears ache

in order to heal
you must feel the pain
you must sit in the grief
you must acknowledge the hurt
take the time to dwell in it
and slowly stitch yourself back together
stronger
lighter
and loved