as a child I was quiet 			

and shy

I learned quickly to please everyone

to keep the peace

and rise to expectations

tiptoeing around the eggshells

because if they cracked 

and caused anger or unhappiness

in others

I blamed myself



how I loved to escape

to my dance classes

the routine of the barre

and soothing ballet music

calmed me

I soon realized

there are no eggshells 

on the dance floor

where they are kicked aside 

by pointed toes



by high school 

I was a gifted dancer

the quiet girl grew confident

in performance under the lights

I wanted to continue 

to study dance

as a professional

whether on the stage,

choreographing or teaching others

but I was told no



how did I step on that

devastating eggshell?

I was no longer on the

dance floor 

but in my parents’ house

where I relented

I pleased

I cried

I went to college 

and never moved home



I was given the gift 

of my yoga practice

many years later I tried a class 

and was instantly reminded 

of the dance studio

my muscles remembered 

similar movements as I held the poses

and breathed

I found renewed strength and confidence

on my mat



I studied and became

an instructor

sharing yoga with my community

designing flowing sequences

of poses and movement

proud of my body and teaching style

holding safe space

as my students relaxed 

and released negative energy

in savasana



today I learned a yogic lesson

thirteen weeks after

traumatic brain injury

I am slowly transitioning

back into my yoga practice

during class I struggled

with unsteadiness,

arm balances and postures

I used to accomplish with ease

were impossible

and I began to cry



tears streaming down my face

in frustration and sadness

yoga was my gift

and it has been taken away

from me

is it another fucking eggshell?

I refuse to just please people

and suffer anymore

but I still cry



I made it into savasana

as class began to enter its end

and covered my face with my towel

as tears continued to stream

down the sides of my face

and onto my mat



the instructor quietly encouraged us to

consider that the new year

may be our best year yet

and not to enter it with our strengths

but with healing

and to speak our truth from our hearts

and create necessary boundaries

she was holding a safe space

she was speaking to me



yoga is still my gift